Day 7

As of today, Mr. Hubby has been gone for 7 days already. 7 long days and not to forget nights. As much as I want to believe that I am strong person, I am not. At least not very strong emotionally… I cried almost everyday… alright… I cried everyday. Its embarrassing but I cant help myself. I can cry anytime… anytime my mind is idle and the thoughts will linger to mr. Hubby which will then remind me that he is away… my eyes starts watering.. its terrible. Im sure other women go through the same thing… maybe it’s the first time that he is gone and gone for a long while.. 2 weeks may be short for some but it’s a long and torturous 2 weeks for me. No joke!

Went to a wedding last Saturday. It was nice to have met some of old uni friends and their babies. Its kinda weird going without Mr. Hubby. I was nervous when i left the apartment. In fact I was nervous leaving the apartment the whole weekend… my heart was pumping and it felt kinda wrong to go out. But the feeling subsided later.. so back to the wedding. There were babies with a capital “S” all around the same age. Close to 1 year old. Some of them has 2 kids already and a few has another on the way… so I was feeling a little lonely (no hubby, remember..) and jealous of some sort.. of them having babies. At the same time, I was glad that I didn’t have any to bring to weddings.. aiyo… they were noisy. A little unapporpriate for weddings, I say but who am I to say such things..

So of my friends were telling me not too worry about having babies straightaway. They say I should enjoy my time with the husband. And you know what, I agree… since Mr. Hubby left, I felt as though I didn’t spent enough time or we didn’t spend enough time together before he left for overseas… and he is going again next year for about 2 months… so I say… no babies now.. I wanna all of my available free time with my husband doing things… not just 'things' things :-) but more just things... I have a lot on my mind, whether or not I do it, is a totally different story altogether. But I vow to spend time with mr. Hubby when he comes back and NOT to think about conceiving… I will start by un-subscribing to the baby newsletter… and no more “treatment” massage.

I have wasted almost a year stressing about getting pregnant… I do not want to waste anymore time.. I wanna enjoy waking up late, staying in bed until 4pm.. drinking coffee whenever i like even if it gives me a pimpleot two, start having ice-cream without thinking twice, drinking my the’o’ais without feeling guilty…. Haaaahhhhh…. It is a relief to even think about it.. I haven’t said anything to Mr. Hubby yet.. our days and nights is a little off..

I feel a little happier now… but a little sick...

maybe im coming down with the flu... like everybody else..